i know, i haven’t updated in quite a while. the gist? the filipino and i haven’t seen each other since i last posted, but at least we’re on good terms. zoo boy and i have gotten back on good terms, i assume, but communication is zip (pretty much same with the filipino, but i really don’t mind). the zoo boy’s best friend, however, suddenly decided he was interested and now wants to go out out. we’re supposed to have dinner tomorrow night, after i’ve worked for over twelve hours…feeling weary already!
last week, i was trying to grab a taxi in the haight, as was another man. it didn’t work out for us, but we got to talking and had a great interlude. taxi man ends up escaping without exchanging contact info, but he ends up replying to my first missed connections ever posted (he had intended to write me one as well). contact this week in the form of a few phonecalls and very many texts have been good, and we’re trying to set up a suitable day for a first date. i was really impressed actually that he suggested a museum or the zoo for an outing, all on his own! definitely looking forward to the museum though, because i have my own romantic ideals on that, but i also don’t want another zoo boy.
however, tonight in the shower, i realized that i’m already over him, and we haven’t really been involved more than 10 minutes. i suspect we just had a great first impression, because now i’m starting to realize that he’s not witty at all, is terrible at humouring me, and is kind of a dunce. when i heard he studied sleep apnea, i thought it was so fascinating. when i first heard he did muay thai, i thought he liked to stay really fit. now i just think he’s kind of a straight forward douchey character with straight answers and nothing interesting to comment. now i just want to take back my compliments and flirty witticisms — i think it’s built up his confidence and i don’t want to lead him on or let him think he’s got me. actually, i think i need to start dropping hints that he won’t be seeing or hearing from me much anymore, but i think i ought to remain optimistic and give the first date a go.
but i guess i kind of value smart-asses (dammit, the players are always so smooth & experienced…and i hate a naive BOY)…
more on taxi man and the indian (zoo boy’s best friend) later.
Man, I was thinking about unrequited love. I figure it’s best to just walk that shit off. Find someone else to be excited about. It’s like if you love ice cream but your ice cream man friend won’t give you any. Maybe he’s got a good reason. It cuts into profits. Who knows? But he likes you as a friend and wants to hang out anyway. It just drives you crazy to hang out with that dude, even if he’s being reasonable from his point of view. So don’t hang out with him. What, you ONLY like ice cream? It’s ice cream or nothing? Don’t be an asshole. Learn to love donuts.
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. When it’s a small fire, the wind kills it, but when it’s a real fire, it intensifies it.
— Diane von Furstenberg
the last week has been so abnormal for me. i’ll have to recount The Zoo Boy and his friend to you, but i’ve since also unintentionally had a one night stand. now the gummy bear is on his way…
boyfriend #1, whom i broke up with because of behavioral differences, had a friend that i got along with really well. we see and speak to each other on and off, but still friends to this day. actually, we’ve been such good friends that sex ensued. i can’t even recall how that happened, but obviously sexual chemistry is nothing to fight.
his name originated because he used a tropical hair gel that, to me, smelled like gummy bears. this may have happened that time i stayed over last year. and the last time i saw him, we were at his place just hanging out. making out happened, and so did his dad popping into the room. doubt i’ll ever head back there again…
anndd i’m off! ;)
at work right now and so, so restless. i want to go out and tan and enjoy the sun and find a man to dominate me! the latest guy i’ve been seeing — let’s call him The Filipino — hasn’t called to hang out in almost two weeks. i had tried out a new free dating site (what a DUD) and we emailed for about a month, and had been going out for about a month after that. goodness, we’ve been getting along great. he looks good and smells good…and hasn’t called to hang out in about two weeks. our last date was a little lame. i kind of showed him who’s boss (i paid my own celebratory dinner, and then he wanted nookie too?! no, sir!), but if he’s disinterested after that, i won’t be one to come begging for him to come back now!
i’m trying to earn the respect i deserve. if a man doesn’t call me, i’m not crawling back to entice him.
solution? changing a desired contact’s number to “DON’T CALL.”
cause all i want right now is a cock in my mouth.
therealkatiewest:
“How many of you believe that there is only one person for you in the whole world?
“Well, unfortunately, you’re all wrong. Now, I mean it’s unfortunate that you happen to be wrong, not that it’s unfortunate that there is more than one person for you in the whole world. That’s rather lucky actually. If there truly was only one person, many more of you would die miserable and alone than what will already be.
“No, there are many, many people in the world that are perfect for you in every way. Physically, mentally, emotionally, even genetically, perfect for you. You think this isn’t true, I can tell, and you think I am wrong because you believe you are unique. But if you think this, you are wrong again. Love, the thing, is easy; we make it complicated because we believe it is a singular experience, and we keep searching for true love. Let me tell you, every love is true love, because love just is. And there are many people out there who you can fall in love with. There are many people out there who are capable of being The One for you. Since, that is what you’re all looking for, right? Well, rest assured, you will find them. You will find them and you will be amazed at how perfect they are for you. And you will marry them and have kids and live happily ever after. And the best news is, if you happen to fuck it up, there is another person out there who is equally perfect for you, and you can try again. Or say you totally pass this person by, there will be another person. Or say you think that the timing is wrong, or the situation, or the place, well, that’s okay too. Because there will always be someone else, just as perfect for you, at a different time, in a different place, with a different situation. We make mistakes, we learn from them. Love is easy. We make it complicated. But that’s what we like about it. The complications make us appreciate what we can find in each other.
“So it’s up to you to decide, after you’ve found one of the many, many people who are perfect for you in the world, if you stay or if you move on, to find the next person who is perfect for you in the world. It’s okay to do both. It’s okay to go back on your word, to change your mind. It’s okay to never change your mind. It’s okay to feel awful, and to feel wonderful, at the same time. Remember, love is easy, you are complicated and it’s good to make mistakes.”
i reblog this, and other things, on “adventures with jane” because i feel like all of the things i read and see and experience are part of my life and learning, and you never know who might like to or need to read, see, and share in the same things.
this entry, specifically, is particularly good to keep in mind.
…the line between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ girls is always shifting, keeping us unsteady, as it is meant to do. It will not be safe for us to live comfortably in our skins until we say: you can no longer separate us out one from another. We are all bad girls.
